This was another weird one for the record. I really want to remember the steps we are taking to get through this church mess.. for lack of a better word.
We went back to our church.
The pastor's message was great. He is in 2 Corinthians as opposed to our BRF 1 Corinthians.
The sermon was on chapter 2 dealing with forgiveness, repentance and restoration. How apropos. It was hard hitting but left us with what do we do if no repentance is offered. You can still forgive and not trust y'know. Forgiveness is what we are called to do. Trust without seeing repentance on the other side is just plain old stupid!! Yet, we can be nice at the same time.
To begin this little story with... I'm not a really touchy type of person. I like my space. If I give a hug its gotta mean that I am completely comfortable with someone and genuinely like and trust them. I very rarely have ever spontaneously hugged my mother. I will hug her because that is something she seems to need... but its not real natural. I don't hug men that aren't my husband... and hate it when men seem to think that touching someone else's wife IN ANY WAY... except a quick hand shake.... is appropriate. Dave had to speak to someone about that this winter. This other man hugs all the ladies and was shocked that I would find it offensive, but he was sensitive enough to know that I don't hate or even dislike him. It ended well.
I love to hug my children, on the other hand. Almost any child. Definitely my husband!!! The occasional friend on special occasions.... not many.
Therefore...
It nearly bowled me over when the woman who has been slandering us, whose husband told us royally off, who had us pretty near blacklisted, who caused all the problems for us in the church, who I most definitely do not trust and am NOT comfortable with... ran down from the choir and made a big show of giving me a hug during the handshake/welcome/family of God time.
Dave admits I looked as repulsed as I felt. It was like hugging a snake.... rephrase.. being hugged by a snake. I didn't hug her back.
This was not what I bargained for. Who hugs people they have seriously wronged?
This was not an apology.
Remember waaaay back in high school when some guy you weren't remotely interested in, but were nice to cuz you were nice to everyone (yeah..), asked you out and you got that queasy sick feeling in your stomach cuz you felt on the spot in a bad way?
That was this morning in church.
In front of everyone.
With my husband laughing.
When she left I could laugh too.
None of the kids got what we were laughing at and hate that Dave and I have our little private jokes.
Not that this is all out...
Nothing else can floor me at church now. I hope.
I can now naturally counter the "Oh, you're back. We thought we'd lost you." comments with a smile and a "Nope, we are still at the same address and phone number. Sorry we missed your call." without missing a beat.
We have an answering machine and call display.
There haven't been calls.
It sure ends the conversation quickly!
I hope that isn't mean. "The kids have grown so much!!" is another comment. Its been 2 months they haven't grown that much!!
I haven't noticed that any of the other kids in the church have changed so much so I'm assuming mine haven't either. They haven't changed hair colour or styles. Same wardrobes. Same faces. We still aren't ready for evening service. That used to be my fave. Testimony and sharing times are sweet fellowship times. This is where the 2 things I actually shared in the 2.5 years we were there were twisted completely around and thrown back in my face.
I am waiting for healing from the Lord from that one.
I don't usually share in public either. Its my private space issue. All those people hearing my private thoughts is intimidating.
Its much easier to just blog everything and then let half the world ... including complete strangers READ my private thoughts.
Yep, I'm not making sense anymore.
Blogging is done for the day.
G'night.
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