For the second day this week the kiddos are off with their dad for another family gathering.
Today the little boys were quite upset that I wasn't invited!! I love them so much!!
Their little hearts are innocent and sweet. My ties to this family are my children and its ok that I am not on guest list.
That brings me to another day!! Tuesday I read Ezra, and puttered, and napped!! Today I gathered laptop, phones, Bible, pens, snacks, etc, and holed up in my room!!!
So far I have played music and cleaned out stuff that is long over due for a purging. I found 8 lip glosses/sticks and 3 boxes of mints!! Most of what I found is just junk!!! This is good. One box is filled with junk and another one is started!!
Why is so hard to get rid of stuff that clearly is not doing anything for me??... its only weighing me down.
Why do I entertain thoughts in my head that do the same thing. Sometimes my head is so cluttered I can barely breathe. 2 Cor 10:5 says "We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ."
I am guilty of entertaining loose thoughts, and sometimes let emotions and impulses loose too! Ack, ouch, grrrr..... I have every tool I need to tear down barriers and fit my emotions, thoughts and impulses to the structure Christ is shaping me into.... The secret is to know that I need Christ to help. This is great since He happens to be here ALL THE TIME!! The same power that raised Him from the dead is living in me ... ready and oh so wanting to shape me into the me He designed me to be!!!
Including my thoughts, emotions and impulses!!!
How cool is that!!!!
Lately my mind just keeps wandering into regret and the fact that I miss a friend of mine so very much!! Is it ok miss someone? You betcha' it is!!! But I need to leave Him in God's very capable, loving hands and not dwell on it.
Right now God is doing a purging, healing... painful, and necessary work in me. I both don't like it much... and am so thankful that He is faithful to complete the work He started in me! He is so faithful! This I know.... God will always be faithful to me.
I found this quote today from Samuel Hopkins in 1803. Its from his sermon "The Friendship Between Jesus Christ and Believers"
"Faithfulness is essential to the character of a friend: without this there can be no safety in intimacy with and confidence in Him."
Jesus Christ is my faithful friend. I can trust Him with my entire life. It's all good.
In reading this over, I decided I must be the rambliest blogger ever!! It's still all good!!
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Thursday, June 05, 2014
Mid-Crisis Ramble
The city of Moncton is basically locked down. A troubled young man in camo and heavily armed is playing a deadly game of hide and seek with the police.
It will not end well.
2 officers are wounded in hospital.
3 officers are dead.
No one is sure where this young man is.
Darkness is falling again... its pouring rain... visibility is going to be terrible tonight. And the city, and province, and nation are waiting. Waiting for the next sighting, the next gunshot, the next (God forbid) fatality, and ultimately the end of this nightmare.
26 hours ago, no one knew three families would lose beloved family members. No one could imagine a little city in New Brunswick would be joined together by fear and sorrow. Even if given a heads up, we would have thought, not here!! This doesn't happen here. But its happening.
Life is so short.... and so filled with twists and turns and shocking events. Life is stressful.
This I know... God is faithful and above this. God knows where the gunman is. He cries with the grieving. He loves all those who are waiting and fearful. We can trust Him.
Life is too short for misunderstandings, and leaving things unsaid and undone... yet we do that. In the officers last moments were they stressed because they were leaving relationships hanging? Did they know they were loved? Did they know that they did everything possible to leave this world better than they found it? Did they know God? Did they know where they were going?
In my last moments I will know I loved lavishly... I will know I introduced all of my children to their Heavenly father and I will see them again. I know where I'm going. My trip has been paid for and prepared for. In most ways I will be content. The relationships that have been failures still mock me. Most are completely irreparable. My relationship with the kids dad has come to a place of peace and acceptance. Only one broken relationship still has the power to make me cry.
Life may be to short for misunderstandings and hurt... but sometimes you have to realize its a huge part of life.
I have not left a huge mark on this world... and that's ok. I have made many, many, many mistakes...and wish I didn't. My needs are small. I am happy.
God bless the families, friends and co-workers of these fallen heroes. God bless the people of Moncton. Praying peace and protection for all of them.
It will not end well.
2 officers are wounded in hospital.
3 officers are dead.
No one is sure where this young man is.
Darkness is falling again... its pouring rain... visibility is going to be terrible tonight. And the city, and province, and nation are waiting. Waiting for the next sighting, the next gunshot, the next (God forbid) fatality, and ultimately the end of this nightmare.
26 hours ago, no one knew three families would lose beloved family members. No one could imagine a little city in New Brunswick would be joined together by fear and sorrow. Even if given a heads up, we would have thought, not here!! This doesn't happen here. But its happening.
Life is so short.... and so filled with twists and turns and shocking events. Life is stressful.
This I know... God is faithful and above this. God knows where the gunman is. He cries with the grieving. He loves all those who are waiting and fearful. We can trust Him.
Life is too short for misunderstandings, and leaving things unsaid and undone... yet we do that. In the officers last moments were they stressed because they were leaving relationships hanging? Did they know they were loved? Did they know that they did everything possible to leave this world better than they found it? Did they know God? Did they know where they were going?
In my last moments I will know I loved lavishly... I will know I introduced all of my children to their Heavenly father and I will see them again. I know where I'm going. My trip has been paid for and prepared for. In most ways I will be content. The relationships that have been failures still mock me. Most are completely irreparable. My relationship with the kids dad has come to a place of peace and acceptance. Only one broken relationship still has the power to make me cry.
Life may be to short for misunderstandings and hurt... but sometimes you have to realize its a huge part of life.
I have not left a huge mark on this world... and that's ok. I have made many, many, many mistakes...and wish I didn't. My needs are small. I am happy.
God bless the families, friends and co-workers of these fallen heroes. God bless the people of Moncton. Praying peace and protection for all of them.
Sunday, June 01, 2014
My Isaac Moment...for this week anyway...
So.... I figure that if God is going to take the time to teach me so much lately, I should document it so I can remember this later! Knowing myself the way I do, forgetting what I have learned my usual deal and then I have to learn it all again later!!
Thank you to Francine for helping me to get this! Though to be fair to God, He had prepared my heart to receive what she had to say in a very personal way.
This spring I have experience several losses in my life... Ha Ha Ha... Let's get real!!! This past decade has been a series of losses! It has also been a decade of growth and amazingness!! I am so thankful that God doesn't just leave us in a pit of misery, He always provides stuff to be thankful for!!
But where do I focus??
If my focus is on God and the good stuff .... it's all good... UNTIL something BIG or small gets in the way and I am swallowed up by grief again.
But THIS spring... This is the spring where God asked me for the only thing that was almost impossible to give.. something that kept me teary for a week as I fought this... and fought myself. I happen to know that God is completely trustworthy and that His way is so far above mine! So the battle was with my heart and my mind. My heart was so broken... how could God ask this of me?? My mind was slapping my heart upside the head... God will take care of me. Its ok... trust.
What did he want? The ONE thing that was MINE, MINE.... ALL MINE!!! My dreams for my future. Tentative dreams... babies of ideas and sweet bits of hope. He wanted my innermost self... to give it all up!
I had just began to allow myself to dream about the future. My life had been one of survival! Who had time to dream of anything? Not me. Did God not want me to have anything? What if He left me here just trying to survive forever? What if this was it? Could I trust God with my life if I could never look forward to anything?
Did Abraham think that way when he was asked to relinquish Isaac, his precious son? Duh!! Of course not! God covenanted with Abraham that Isaac was the son of promise! He couldn't die! Abraham knew God had to do something special or God would be a liar.... IMPOSSIBLE!!!
So rather smugly I imagine my decision is harder than Abraham's. I am an idiot sometimes. God has covenanted with me too. "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it" and He promises plans for good for me, HOPE, a future!!
He can't leave me with no dreams and hope, because He already has them for me. Could I give up mine for His?? How could I not. So.... its all gone. My plans... my future... my goals... my dreams... and they were all good ones. And yet, I can give them all up because God's are so crazily better!!! I don't say this because I have a clue what they are.... I say it because I know who HE is!! He has a fantabulous plan for me. A journey only I can take and its gonna be wonderful!
Until then... I will wait. I will make a little book of remembrances. I will be faithful in the day to day and will pray that I will not be grieved by what is lost, but live in excitement for what is ahead!!!
A disclaimer may be necessary... people tend to ask WHO when discussing loss. My journey is not about the people who walk in and out of it. It is about me and the walk I have with God. My dreams I talk about are the innermost part of me... not dreams regarding another person. There are many people I miss too... Several this year for various reasons... However, this is not what this post is about!!
Thank you to Francine for helping me to get this! Though to be fair to God, He had prepared my heart to receive what she had to say in a very personal way.
This spring I have experience several losses in my life... Ha Ha Ha... Let's get real!!! This past decade has been a series of losses! It has also been a decade of growth and amazingness!! I am so thankful that God doesn't just leave us in a pit of misery, He always provides stuff to be thankful for!!
But where do I focus??
If my focus is on God and the good stuff .... it's all good... UNTIL something BIG or small gets in the way and I am swallowed up by grief again.
But THIS spring... This is the spring where God asked me for the only thing that was almost impossible to give.. something that kept me teary for a week as I fought this... and fought myself. I happen to know that God is completely trustworthy and that His way is so far above mine! So the battle was with my heart and my mind. My heart was so broken... how could God ask this of me?? My mind was slapping my heart upside the head... God will take care of me. Its ok... trust.
What did he want? The ONE thing that was MINE, MINE.... ALL MINE!!! My dreams for my future. Tentative dreams... babies of ideas and sweet bits of hope. He wanted my innermost self... to give it all up!
I had just began to allow myself to dream about the future. My life had been one of survival! Who had time to dream of anything? Not me. Did God not want me to have anything? What if He left me here just trying to survive forever? What if this was it? Could I trust God with my life if I could never look forward to anything?
Did Abraham think that way when he was asked to relinquish Isaac, his precious son? Duh!! Of course not! God covenanted with Abraham that Isaac was the son of promise! He couldn't die! Abraham knew God had to do something special or God would be a liar.... IMPOSSIBLE!!!
So rather smugly I imagine my decision is harder than Abraham's. I am an idiot sometimes. God has covenanted with me too. "He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it" and He promises plans for good for me, HOPE, a future!!
He can't leave me with no dreams and hope, because He already has them for me. Could I give up mine for His?? How could I not. So.... its all gone. My plans... my future... my goals... my dreams... and they were all good ones. And yet, I can give them all up because God's are so crazily better!!! I don't say this because I have a clue what they are.... I say it because I know who HE is!! He has a fantabulous plan for me. A journey only I can take and its gonna be wonderful!
Until then... I will wait. I will make a little book of remembrances. I will be faithful in the day to day and will pray that I will not be grieved by what is lost, but live in excitement for what is ahead!!!
A disclaimer may be necessary... people tend to ask WHO when discussing loss. My journey is not about the people who walk in and out of it. It is about me and the walk I have with God. My dreams I talk about are the innermost part of me... not dreams regarding another person. There are many people I miss too... Several this year for various reasons... However, this is not what this post is about!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)