This seems to be a recurring theme in my life...
Wow!! Didn't see that one coming!!!
Sometimes great! Sometimes not!
Would I like to see a month or 2 or 17 go smoothly and exactly as planned??
Why yes, yes I would!
I have 2 or 3 datebooks going at any time. I love to be scheduled and planned,
though I am flexible.... I have to be because my plans are jokes!!! Yes... jokes!!
But sometimes, the plan that backfires in one way, brings good things in another.
Being hurt today helped a friend open up about their pain in a way that hadn't been possible before.
As this friend is terrifically important to me, I am thankful for whatever it took to put me
in a place for them to open up... just a little.
We helped each other smile.. from a distance... and maybe even laugh.
Still, the part of my life that hurts... is huge. Why can't men and women communicate better?
Why do I have such a hard time hearing what is being said to me?
I know that insecurities play a part... but I don't think shouldering all the blame is right either. Quite honestly... I have always just accepted all the blame for whatever to make everyone else feel better... but I promised never to do that again. No relationship is perfect... its hard to figure it all out. Its fun to figure it all out. Its devastating to be misunderstood and to misunderstand...
Is it worth it? This one is! But I know for sure... I never want to START another relationship again... ever. Putting yourself on the line is opening yourself up for all kinds of hurt. Intentional or no...
Leaving an abusive relationship makes sense.... feeling like you may be missing out on something wonderful with someone incredible is beyond sad.
All I know is, this is so important... and my hope is that we can work through this. I have one person who I can talk to about everything... even a little of this... and a lot of how it makes me feel. I just wish that person was the one I am crazy about! I have never been so attracted to someone who has treated me well before... and don't want it to end.
Sometimes I feel like I am the person no one of worth could ever care about. But the King of the Universe thinks I am of utmost value. And has proven it!!
Today I don't feel like a princess.... I feel like a pauper... an untouchable... But the King of the Universe has adopted me... I am a princess... whether I feel like it or not. And my friend... who didn't call me a princess today (thanks bud)... I told him I didn't want to be called that again.. and he was having his own day... anyhow... usually tells me I am.
Time to go tuck in little boys and pick up my girls... and maybe do more laundry.... my life is so exciting!!!
Am still feeling numb inside. I think the things that are coming are taking their toll. Know it!! Today I said I hated the happy, hopeful me. OK, am still kind of there. Thankfully, feeling good all the time isn't a requirement of life. I had the perfect weekend. Sometimes when you have something perfect the enemy tries to destroy it. Yes... a weekend of perfect happiness for the second time... its more than some have in their lifetime... but I am greedy enough to want more.
Gotta run!!! Sorry if anyone read this drivel.... this post was completely for me!!
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