Yes.... an idiot!
Why is it that when it isn't important to have the right words, they just flow out?? The flow is deep, clear, abundant and simple!! But when its vitally important to have the right words they stick, become murky and cloudy and you end up making yours and someone else's life miserable.... for a time.
Today was one of those days. I can not for the life of me communicate how I feel and think to someone who is incredibly important to me. The more I try, the more mess I am making of it.... so I quit trying.... for now.
I love words. I read the dictionary and thesaurus for fun... but not the phone book as that would be weird. Reading books of all types is a joy to me. Turning a sentence so it drips with the correct meaning is a delight. Insulting someone you care about while trying to do the complete opposite and knowing you wounded their spirit fills me with grief.
And tonight I did that.
And that person does not have access to this blog.
So... I will cry and pray and try again tomorrow...
or... cry and pray and chicken out tomorrow....
Sometimes I think I am a complete idiot...
this is one of those times....
I am so sorry
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