Transience

I find myself wondering at the transience of .... life I guess...

We have moved so many times I'm not sure if I will ever feel truly home anywhere... and I'm used to it.  It doesn't bother me any more.  I hope my kids have a greater sense of stability, but an even greater sense of family and loyalty and love and trust.

What really has me thinking though, is the transience of people in my life.
Some have been there forever... Joy and Diane stand out.  Regardless of distance or time
apart, they aren't transient... they are permanent, forever friends.  ... even if I were a complete jerk and did something horribly  bad to them, they would let me get my stuff together and welcome me back with open arms.  They are quality people and they love me.  And I love them.

What gets me is that there are people who I come to care for and enjoy their friendship and they have a bad day and they are out of my life. Maybe I am a complete moron... and I have not ruled this out... but everyone is entitled to a bad day or a frustrating rant or whatever.   Its ok to acknowledge that it is what it is... but do you throw a friendship away over a bad day?   Apparently so.   Even if all is apologised, forgiven and put behind ... transient friends.  I would never throw a friend away.

Friendship is a two way street though.  I am thinking, with few exceptions, a lot of folks don't know how to or want to have lifelong friendships.  Its ok to mess up.  One lady I know, and used to be close to made a mistake which I thought was no big deal... but it is to her.  She can't get over this.  And our friendship is no more because of it.  

This past week I told someone I didn't like it when they were rude to me.  This person was rude... said they were "not refined" and having a bad day.  And I didn't get it.  Apparently I am an idiot, because I didn't.   I don't.   I don't know why a bad day means the whole friendship doesn't matter.

Yes, I have struggled with self worth for a long time.  For the first time, this doesn't affect my sense of who I am.   For all the people who would rather leave a friendship than offer an apology, I feel badly for you.  You were an idiot and were also forgiven.  I will be an idiot someday and would appreciate forgiveness. Maybe I was...  I do not understand where people are coming from when they refuse to be blunt in what they are saying.  I am not good at reading "beat around the bush" and never have been.

Right now, there is so much good going on in my life, that I would like to share it.  I am excited about what is and the possibilities of what may be in the future.  The only thing that makes me sad is that some friends, who I deeply care about, don't seem to want to be in my future.   On a positive note, someday.... being transient may be a good thing.   Someday, I may need to uproot and it will be easier if my roots aren't too strong.